Red flags. Here’s your sign. Here’s your special guy. The guy you’ve been waiting for all your life. The one that you can’t believe you just found. He’s one in a million. He’s OMG. He does everything right. He’s says everything he should. He treats you like an angel (or whatever your choice word is.) Sex with him is off the charts. (If you decided to have sex with this flawed character.) He texts you good morning. He texts you good night. He calls you beautiful. He tells you how you’re his soul mate. He tells you how he’s been with other women, yes, but none of them have compared to you. How unhappy he is at home, perhaps. How he’s been searching, never believing he’d ever be happy in his life, never at all. But now, now he’s found you. And you, he says, has given him hope that there really is a God. He helps you with housework, your car, yard work, problems at work, walking your dog, grocery shopping…he’s with you every step of the way.
Wow. And it’s only been three weeks since you’ve met this man! Not even a month! What a guy! What a Catch! What a Psychopath!
All carefully orchestrated within a very short period to reel you in and fall madly in love with him and not look back. All designed around you. How else did you think this man became so perfect for you? He watched you, he studied you, he looked for your signs, your likes and dislikes and your wants and needs. He watched you, he listened to you very carefully, he read you. He did this very carefully so that when you listened to him you would be amazed at how much of a match the two of you actually are.
Amazing? Not at all. It’s what a psychopathic personality does. They don’t have any compassion for the other person. They don’t know what empathy is about. They don’t care about love. They could care less about giving back to humanity. They don’t want to actually help you. This has been a plan all along, carefully synchronized, to reel you in. The psychopath as the predator, and you as the victim.
Now understand, many men do this anyway. Many women do this. Many people will do this in the beginning of a relationship. When their pheromones kick in and they truly like someone, they want to get to know then. They want to understand them. They need to learn about them so they can see just what their future might hold. So what’s the difference? And how can you spot the difference? Where are the red flags between these two situations?
The intensity, simply put. The intensity, coupled with the lies. The intensity, coupled with the lies, tripled with the coincidences. Put these three together and you get a fireworks display that will leave you panting and wanting for more, never knowing what hit you. While at the same happy time, you’re going to be walking on eggshells, astonished at your own feelings.
One is a good, warm, nice, secure feeling, while the second is a bad, my gut doesn’t like this, I should walk away, something is wrong feeling. The first one that I speak of, the good, warm, nice, secure feeling puts smiles on your face, just as the second type does. There are fine lines between the two, and you should learn to discern the two . It does become incredibly easy once you identify the patterns of the psychopathic player out on the market looking for his next victim.
I’ll deviate here to say that psychopaths can become violent. That is why they are known to be dangerous. They just don’t play and if they don’t get their way with women, go about their way to find another woman. Some do, finding a release in abusing animals or abusing women in other ways. There are other outlets for their violent behaviours. Psychopaths can release through alcohol or drugs. And they can do these things without anyone else realizing they have these behaviors. Again, the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome type of personality they don’t want anyone to see.
Hare Psychopathy Checklist
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
In contemporary research and clinical practice, Robert D. Hare’s Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) is the psycho-diagnostic tool most commonly used to assess psychopathy. Because an individual’s score may have important consequences for his or her future, and because the potential for harm if the test is used or administered incorrectly is considerable, Hare argues that the test should only be considered valid if administered by a suitably qualified and experienced clinician under controlled and licensed conditions. Hare receives a royalty on licensed use of the test.
The two factors
Factor 1: Personality “Aggressive narcissism”
Factor 2: Case history “Socially deviant lifestyle”.
- Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
- Parasitic lifestyle
- Poor behavioral control
- Lack of realistic long-term goals
- Juvenile delinquency
- Early behavior problems
- Revocation of conditional release
Traits not correlated with either factor
- Promiscuous sexual behavior
- Many short-term marital relationships
- Criminal versatility
- Acquired behavioural sociopathy/sociological conditioning (Item 21: a newly identified trait i.e. a person relying on sociological strategies and tricks to deceive)
These are dangerous people. They are not safe to be around. Make no mistake about it. They ave very dangerous people. At some point, you will be the recipient of their violence. How many times in any relationship with a man who you are now questioning or reflecting, have they left marks on you? Have they “jokingly” smacked your arm hello or “happily” smacked your bottom, and you found bruising? If you remarked to them about the bruising, what did they comment? That they didn’t realize they hit you that hard? Did they even apologize? Or if they did, was there a glint in their eye?
How did they perform in bed? Were they able to perform in bed with you? If they were, were they concerned about you or themselves? Whose satisfaction was important? Remember, the psychopath’s agenda is purely their own, never yours.
If you are meeting a man on the side, because he is still with another woman that he says he doesn’t love, and he isn’t happy with her, then why is he still with her? If he says he has found his soul mate with you, if he talks of a life with you, then why does he even stay with her? More importantly, why did he even start looking for someone while still with another woman? A psychopath plays a variety of women all at the same time. You are not the only woman in his life. You will become the recipient of his promiscuity if you have not already.
A psychopath is irresponsible and impulsive. At any point, he can, may or will convince you to take part in borderline criminal activities that you find repulsive or against your social mores. It is important to realize that these men are very cunning and manipulative. They have a charming way about them. Once they have set their traps and you fall into them, it’s easy for you to agree with them on their ideas.
Above all the above, they very often fail to take responsibility for their actions. This leaves you holding the bag. Which turns out not to be a pretty picture in very many cases. Because of their pathological lying, they continue to build a path of destruction around those people who love them. Yes, those women that love them. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? That someone can fall in love with such an evil person? But women do. People do. They have no idea that such a personality exists.
Next in Red Flags, the lying. Why would he lie to you? And why would he lie in the beginning?
All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License