Ever See A Fly On A Leash?

Psychopaths are abusive to animals. So they say. And the way they are abusive isn’t always the way you might normally expect.

Daniel had come into my store one day. I was re-dressing the main window. He hopped up on the ledge and began talking to me. I was working with mannequins and set-ups while he was (I’m guessing here) trying to impress me. There was a fly in the window buzzing around. It was summertime and the front door was open.

“Ever see a fly on a leash?” he asked. I just looked at him while I kept myself busy. No, I’d never seen a fly on a leash and I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

Before I realized what he was doing, he reached over and plucked a hair from my head. Yeah, literally, plucked a strand of hair from my head. Lucky for him it was one strand. Altho I did let loose with a string of expletives and was angry at what he had just done. He said he needed the strand of hair to show me something.

He then proceeded to catch the fly. I’m sure by now you know where this is going but I’ll keep on telling the story. His back was to me at this point. I was thinking this guy is a bit off/weird/whatever and kept on working. He suddenly turned around and opened his hand. In it was the “fly on a leash”.  He had wrapped my one strand of hair around the fly, tied it, and it was now tethered.

To some, that may just be a fly. To me, it was a living insect that he had just trapped and was torturing. And to do that so quickly and successfully meant he had done this before. Who actually thinks of leashing flies? Yeah, well, I guess psychopaths and their assorted counterparts do. It takes a uniquely convoluted mind to think of that one.

Oh those Red Flags.

Peace.

Sorceress

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License.

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Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…Survivors…Fodder, Challenges Or Newly Educated Fireballs?)

Survivors. Are we hypervigilant fodder for psychopaths and their disillusioned friends? Do we stand out as our own brand of red flags for the mentally disillusioned? Or are we stronger and simply more aware than the average person chooses to be in today’s society?

We didn’t choose the paths that we are on today. Those labyrinths were chosen for us by the one that also attempted to control and destroy our lives. I deliberately use the word attempt. Why? Because in the beginning, a psychopath can only attempt to begin to control his victim before he gains control. He chooses his victim wisely, and his victim also has the ability, within reason, to choose her destiny.

But does she, really, when we weigh all the factors? Most people are not looking to not trust others when they actively meet another person. It’s natural human nature. We want to trust other people. We want to believe in the next person. We want to believe that there is good in the people that we meet. We don’t want to believe the  people we meet harbor dark thoughts about us that are preconceived and actually have nothing to do with us.

For the uninitiated into the world of psychopaths, sociopaths , anti-social personalities, Cluster-B personality disorders, and similar disorders, if you have never lived or been in close, intimate contact with one of them, you probably continue in your life never thinking about these types of people. And why should you? That’s a good thought process. It’s refreshing. It’s clean.

You probably come across them on TV or if you are a fan of authors that write fiction that deals with their types of personalities. But your thoughts always bring you to the same conclusion: never me, so why must I live a life being concerned that I might run into of one of these people? These situations only happen on TV and in books. It’s all fiction from the minds of great writers. They get paid to  create these stories. But you should never think this way.

Why? Because they aren’t the dark looking monsters that television and literature that our local bookstores give you the impression they are. And in turn, the same TV programs or books that you read also tell you that the victims of these people are now either a) suffering so horribly they can’t find employment or meaning in their lives; b) their lives have been so traumatized they look like walking zombies so of course you can pick them out from the crowd; c) they obsess on the crimes that have been committed to them regularly which in turn, makes them hypervigilant and they have lost touch with reality sans their own psychopath, sociopath,etc; d) they will never be able to have relationships again because of the horrific acts they were perpetrated upon them or e) they are lost souls to be pitied for what has happened to them. If you believe what television and fictional stories tell you, then you live in a fairy-tale world. And the above about Survivors are fairy-tales and not true at all.

When we meet someone for the first time, we believe we are meeting another human being on equal footing. It is inherent in our natural beliefs and upbringing that we bring to the table normal thoughts about ourselves and towards the other person. We naturally want to be open, somewhat free about ourselves and have the encouragement to explore a new relationship with happiness and delight. That would be considered normal, average, standard and regular behavior. Taking away those that have ulterior motives simply for sex, we begin on small paths to new friendships that might lead to stronger personal one-on-one relationships. At least that’s what we think. It’s not always what’s happening in the mind of the disillusioned person, the psychopath.

So in your daily activity of looking at new friendships, there are two undercurrents that you should be aware about that are at work. When there are two people involved, there are two mental states of mind that will be working to decipher each other. The key factor is to decide if the other is honest, trustworthy and reliable. How do we do this? How do we look at others easily while not seeming to be people who are considered untrusting and hypervigliant about relationships?

How do we not become victims again? And how do we not become targets of psychopaths who believe they can take down a Survivor again as a challenge? These are all very real questions and thoughts that occur to people who have been in traumatic relationships. These questions not only occur to Survivors but they happen in their lives.

Once a life is dramatically changed by a traumatic event, a pattern emerges that is set in place for that person. Their life changes forever. They cannot go back to the person they were before the event that changed them. But of course, this is a sequence that happens for everyday people. Naturally occurring events change and alter your life and you continue down pathways. What are the differences between these people?

When a traumatic event occurs it affects the mind and its perception of similar events. When traumatic events occur over a more lengthier time, then the human mind develops more symptoms. It sees more triggers and becomes more concentrated in its observance of its surroundings. Instead of easily enjoying simple pleasures, we begin to pick apart what life brings us and looks for similar instances to the former traumas that have befallen us. We are trying to protect ourselves. We are attempting to wrap ourselves in our own warm blankets of protection. Our minds have internal protective mechanisms for shelter against future traumatic attacks.

Should you decide to go to any type of counseling for your PTSD that was induced by a psychopath, sociopath, a borderline, a Cluster-B, etc., be exceedingly careful in whom you choose. Although health care professionals will tell you they are able to discuss PTSD about domestic abuse, that doesn’t mean they have actually dealt with these matters in their office or personally with others. always ask and use specific questions should you decide to want counseling. Interview the psychologist/psychiatrist with your questions first before they do an intake on you. Be prepared and comfortable with what you want to talk about. Be honest. Again, Survivors are still vulnerable. Even tho healthcare professionals must follow laws, they also realize your vulnerability. Be strong in your convictions about what has been done to you,what you want to discuss, and the limits of how you wish to discuss your story. A good idea is to visit your local women’s shelter for advice also.

Unfortunately, the media has given more time to criminals, psychopaths,etc., than they do the Survivors and victims. Because of the twisted fascination with the “who, what, why and how” of the criminal, the Survivor is given far less impact and time to show what happens in the time periods afterwards.

This is why it is so important to tell your success story as a Survivor to as many as you can in a positive way. I have a blog contact listed in every post for my readers if you are not comfortable to write your own story so you may contact me to tell me your story.

Our world needs to know that we are alive and bursting with energy again. That we are ready to take on the world, to create, to learn, to educate, to live. We are not wallowing in self-pity. We are not walking zombies that stand in unemployment lines. Simply because we write about our experiences does not mean we are obsessed about what has happened to us. It means we want to educate others so they, in turn, will learn and educate themselves about these types of personalities. It’s called sharing and caring. We do have relationships again, however, the key to our new relationships is how to choose the right partner. A partner that is free from games and sick, twisted, mind games. We aren’t lost souls at all, quite the contrary. We have meaning in our lives. Perhaps more meaning than ever before and without a doubt, more meaning than the average person. We have experiences to share and we have the ability and knowledge to do this.

So are we new fodder and sitting ducks for psychopaths as Survivors? No, not at all.  We now are brimming with a new-found knowledge that automatically kicks in when one them crosses our path. We see those red flags blowing right in front of their faces. His words aren’t sounding so sweet when they pour out of his mouth. They actually sound ridiculous now when you hear them .

When a person tells you “I love you…you’re the soul mate I’ve been looking for and never found…will you marry me…today?” just a week or two after you’ve met him? I hope you know the answer as to whom you’re talking to and what type of person he is. Always remember you’re worth waiting for in time. Don’t let someone tell you to hurry, instead spend your life on your time, as you feel it should be spent. Be comfortable in everything you do. If it feels right? It probably is. Time will tell you whether it is.

Only you can discern the real from the fake. Only you can obsess about your past and decide to go on. Only you can decide what to bring with you from your memories that will teach you  stronger convictions and help you educate others. Memories do intrude upon you at the most inopportune times, and you cannot stop them. That’s how our brains work. But you can take those memories and choose where to store them.

Another blogger from WordPress tells her story of success of growth and survival from these types of personality disorders here:  The Void Behind the Narcissist’s Mask.  Proof of  Survivors telling their stories so others will learn as they grow stronger each day.

Our realizations become luminous centers within us when we face the demons that once tried to thwart us, entrap us and bring us down. That’s when we become the fireballs we are now.

Peace.

Sorceress.

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License

 

Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…Bad Boys…Why We Love Them & Why We Shouldn’t…)

"Hollywood Bad Boys"

“Hollywood Bad Boys”.

Bad Boys. You know one. You’ve seen them. Maybe you’ve lusted after one or two. Why are women so attracted to them? What is the illusion that they carry? I’ve used photos of Hollywood badboys and badgirls because they are easy to identify and associate their particular traits of manipulating and how they treat their romantic partners. Their lifestyles are well-publicized and society feeds on their behaviors. In and out of jails for the wrongs they have commited, it doesn’t seem to matter. Hollywood still pays for them to work and society pays to watch them perform. And why?

Why are they considered “eye candy”, when in reality, their colors and flavors are as sour as rotten apples and they aren’t sweet at all. They are an illusion. Good-looking, sexy, well-dressed, slick-talkers, manipulative, promiscuous, in and out of  jail…they resemble psychopaths, don’t they? Perhaps. Maybe some of the bad boys harbor some of the attributes of the psychopathic personality.

"Hollywood Bad Boys We Love".

“Hollywood Bad Boys We Love”.

Some women will tell you that their “bad boys” are really “teddy bears” if you knew them. They tell you that underneath their “big bad” exterior is a softie.  But behind closed doors is always another story.

I can tell you this. Every woman who has uttered that statement to me has also cried about his behavior to her and how he has treated her behind her back unfairly. How he  a) has affairs; b) is married or is linked exclusively with another woman also; c) uses her for sex exclusively as in a “friends with benefits” type relationship but not necessarily calling the relationship in those terms; d) uses her for her money; e) uses her for some purpose,  for example-he currently doesn’t have a license but needs transportation; f) is playing her in some way that she just can’t figure out exactly because he doesn’t give her all the pieces of his life so she can know him well enough.

The list that bad boys use their victims for is endless. They have their own personal agendas. That’s one of the reasons they have been given the moniker “bad boys”.

So why the strong attraction to these losers? Are these women short on egos themselves? Do they need someone who attracts attention, albeit negative attention to give them their own ego boosts?

Have these women been so hurt in their pasts that they deliberately choose these types of men to use for themselves? Just as these men have the cavalier attitude of “love them and leave them”, many women also use this attitude as a shield to protect their emotions from being hurt anymore. It’s a defense mechanism.

Here’s the catch in many of these relationships. In turn, they will equally destroy this type of relationship while destroying their own sanity. While seeking these types of men to use, they are only quick patches to what they need to fix in their own lives. Quick and easy fixes instead of focusing on long-term goals of self-improvement and ego boosting work that would skillfully aid them in attaining healthy relationships.

Working on yourself is a difficult process. It involves self-introspection to find both your own qualities and your own faults. Addressing both, finding solutions to your faults and building on your attributes is not an easy quick process. The time factor is long, but well worth it. The person that evolves after the time spent is a person that is more confident, independent and ready to tackle the world with new eyes on a daily basis. Not an easy goal, but one that is definitely attainable.

Can these women who stay in these abusive relationship cycles see the damages? Do they want to see the damages? Can they see the damages?

These are questions asked by everyday and professional people who look at these types of relationships whether they are counselors,  neighbors, friends, involved with the situation or not. So often, others look at these women and give up on them with the attitude that the situation is hopeless and the woman is only getting what “she deserved”. The situation these women find themselves in is far more complex and deserves much more insight than a mere shake of the head and a flippant response than this.

These types of relationships are always in a downward spiraling motion. For as many years as it took the person to get involved with that type of negative individual, it will take  many years of inward reflection to remove themselves from that type of negative wanting.

"Hollywood Bad Girls".

“Hollywood Bad Girls”.

Why do people want that elusive “bad boy/girl”? Yes, there are women that are bad girls too. Not as many as the bad boys, and you don’t see them as often, but they are out there. The interesting phenomena is that the women that are considered bad girls are very often looked at with other monikers such as whores, sleazy women, trash, etc. Gender inequality is prevalent when describing these types of personalities. Not fair in today’s world, but that would be another post I could write.

"Hollywood Bad Girls Again.

“Hollywood Bad Girls Again”.

The reasons are many, but here are just a few:

1. They are different. They represent something that is out of the ordinary to you. They offer something that is in a word-naughty, bad, sexy…something against what you have brought up to believe you should be with. They go against your inner moral beliefs and satisfy the part of you that wants to do an action that might be considered wrong. You yourself aren’t doing anything wrong, but by associating with that person you are assuming the guilt.Why do people want that elusive bad boy/girl?

2. They aren’t the settling down type. If you have this type of person on your arm, what does it say about you? That you’ve cornered them? That you have captured them? Think twice about this. Look long into your future with them and look just as deep into their past relationships. There is a pattern with this type of personality and you are not the one that is going to break it, no matter what they tell you.

3. They are different. You know what a good boy is like. A good boy is predictable. A bad boy isn’t. A bad boy is exciting because you never know what might happen and what he might do. The problem here? You also don’t know what he might do with your emotions, your feelings, and your relationship. You just might become old to him as quickly as you were new to him because that’s what he’s about. Bring in the new and get rid of the old quickly.

4. You can’t figure him out. He’s a conundrum. He’s frustrating but you believe he’s all worth that to you. And a relationship that is frustrating, makes you wonder whether he’s faithful to you and makes you feel as if you’re not his only one is really what you’re looking for? Really?

5. You are rebelling and want a partner that is against all that you have always been attracted to and told you should be involved with. You’ve led a cookie-cutter life, a perfect life, you need excitement and you look to the bad boy to fill this void in your life. What he will bring to you is excitement and heartbreak, frustration and pain, and perhaps more. The choice is always yours.

6. He’s a challenge. Good boys want the picket fence in their lives. Bad boys don’t want to be tied down. They want the motorcycles, fast cars and faster lives. Remember this next time you are considering one. The key word is stability. Do you want stability in your life or do you want a roller-coaster?

7. You honestly believe you can reform this bad boy to stay with you forever. He has told you that you are his soul-mate, his one and only, etc. His pathological lies have begun to hook you into his web of deceit so he can use you for his wants and needs. When he’s finished, you’re gone. Not because you want to be gone, because he’s finished with you. It’s called the Red Flags to look for. See:  https://sorceressofthedark.wordpress.com/2011/07/14/survivor-of-a-psychopathwith-borderline-tendencies-red-flags-to-look-for/.

You always have choices in your life. Being with anyone is a new gateway to a new experience, a new vista. Life is a Journey to be experienced and enjoyed even if you make mistakes. It’s when we learn from our mistakes that we go forward.

You also have choices to look inward and find yourself. Because your self  is a special being and should be taken care of with kid gloves. Find ways to see what your qualities are, where your special talents lie and use them. Develop hobbies. Find out what’s fun in your life for you and not anyone else.

Becoming #1 is an important step to boosting your ego. It may sound too simple but put stickies up telling yourself how wonderful you are. Because you are. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself everyday you are worth it. Again, because you are.

Focus on how important you are and soon you will find others will see you in a new light. Relationships will open where you become more confident, more self-assured and more in control. It does happen when you begin to work on yourself. But you have to make the first step in choosing yourself first. You can do it. Finding yourself takes time but when you do you’ll find the person inside of yourself pretty amazing.

Peace.

Sorceress.

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License

 

Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…(Finding Your Inner Strength)

Color Your World, KMC, 2012.

Color Your World, KMC, 2012.

Life can be a game for some people. Take Monopoly, for instance. You pass go, collect your $200.00, and continue on your path to new conquests. Some don’t want to take stock of their inventory or build from it. They’re more interested in continuing the same circle, picking up a few cards every now and then and taking their chances. While others plot their courses carefully, build from their inventory and envision a future that can be. It’s a much slower process. It takes time. It takes patience. What is required is planning and thought.

And there could be stumbling blocks in the way of coursing your own path alone while creating your own destiny but the choice is always yours. It’s supposed to be. But what happens when a stumbling block comes across your path that is too huge for you to climb over? Too spiky for you to want to cross? Or maybe that mountain ahead is precipitous and just too pretty, so you decide to sit down for a while and take in the view. Wondering what’s in those hills. And of course, there could be trouble in those pretty little mountains you see. Your vision isn’t always as clear as the next person. As you’re stopping to appreciate the view, the next person might be stopping to decimate the very same picture. Scary thought, isn’t it?

And this is just what the psychopathic personality is doing, the antisocial personality, the borderline personality, the cluster-b personality disorder, the sociopath,the narcississtic personality,  all of the deviant personality disorders that I speak about. They lie in wait for their next victim, akin to an animal in the jungle. As you so naïvely take in the sunshine and clean air around you, they are plotting your every move, waiting for their right moment to leap and pounce when you least expect their movements.

Never envisioned a human being to behave so raw, with such animal tendencies? Why not? We are animals, by nature. We feed on the behavior of others, whether we want to admit that behavior to ourselves or not. The truth is the majority of the population behaves in a way that is acceptable to society, its norms and mores, so when we think of our behaviors based on others directives we aren’t disturbed at our own actions. We judge ourselves correctly. We don’t look in the mirror and tell ourselves that it’s OK to lie, to cheat, to steal, to harass, to stalk, to rape, to murder. Those whose brains are short-circuited, cross-wired, afflicted with psychiatric disorders simply do tell themselves it’s OK. They spend their days lying to themselves constantly about their lifestyles and behaviors. It’s all part of their personal psychological make-up. And they spend an inordinate amount of time attempting to convince you that they are right in everything they do and that you are wrong in everything you do. Their sick, twisted goal is to separate the weak from the strong. In their minds, they are the strong, and you are the weak they have preyed upon. They will separate you from your friends, your family, because in their minds, these  people represent other strengths to you. Your strengths must be demolished. They must be removed. As in the jungle, a predator will isolate an animal from the herd to capture it. As in the jungle, as in life, this sick mind will isolate you to capture you.

How do you prevent this from happening? How do you recognize the signs of capture? Those of us who are Survivors know the red flags. I honestly don’t believe any of us look for these red flags in earnest. We automatically spot them. Perhaps, in the beginning, after the rawness, after realizing what has transpired in our own fragile psyche, we do become hyper-vigilant. We are untrusting Souls, this group I label Survivors. As well we should be., Our very cores of our existence have been ripped to shreds, tossed into the air for pleasure and pain, left to bake in the hot sun waiting for scavengers to tear us to shreds again for the choices we have made.

A former post of mine starts talking about red flags and continues for a series of 6 articles on red flags of these personalities and their traits when you meet them. Here is the link to the first post:  https://sorceressofthedark.wordpress.com/2011/07/14/survivor-of-a-psychopathwith-borderline-tendencies-red-flags-to-look-for/.

Society doesn’t want to blame the manipulative, charming psychopathic personality for the damage he has done. They can’t see him for who he is and what he is immediately. They need a quick fix. They turn instead to an easier explanation, blaming what has transpired on the victim, on who they term the weaker person, the one who made the poor choices in their opinion, the person who should have seen what was happening all along. Society has absolutely no ideas of the devastation, the plotting, the manipulations that these people conjure upon their victims. They only see what they want to see and hear, leaving the victim a true victim in every sense with no recourse.

When I shut Daniel out of my home with a Judge’s Order on August 26th, 2006, little did I know I would be starting another Journey that would involve the loss of my entire financial savings, my entire estate, my future retirement plan, my friends, over 200 break-ins by him, the loss of all of my pets, the loss of my home, my clothing and nearly everything I had every owned in my entire life, multiple court appearances for offenses that I allegedly committed-offenses that were actually committed by Daniel and his Mother on my property, relocating over five times because of his obsession,  his continual stalking me and still learning that recently he had still asked a mutual friend about my whereabouts, what did I look like, etc, and dealing with the after effects of this horrendous relationship through rose-colored Post Traumatic Stress Disorder glasses.

Not all will go through the same phases. Not all will heal in the same manner. As a matter of fact, some may not be able to heal at all. Healing takes effort on your part and you must be willing to be a part of your own health. There are far too many people that repress their memories instead of bringing them to the surface for personal healing. Remember, the memories remain regardless of how many times you speak about them. The difference is when you talk about them you see them in a different light each time and you realize how strong you really are as you relate your stories.

When my son was thinking of relocating to an area I believe Daniel to be living in, I questioned him what would happen if he would run into him. My son’s response was simple and to the point, “It’s you he’s obsessed with, Mom. He never cared about any of us. We’re safe, it’s you that’s not.”

Point well taken. I don’t live in fear. I never have. Perhaps that stems from where I grew up, Perhaps it’s because I survived Daniel’s two murder attempts on me and his subsequent poisonings. I’m not sure where inner strength and courage comes from, I just know it’s there and he is not going to take it from me. I am here on this Earth to share my story with others to give them insight and hopefully more courage to leave their situations and become stronger. Because they can. They should. No one should let a sick, twisted mind overcome them with fear and trepidation.

Find your inner strength and hold on to it with all you have and don’t let go. Don’t succumb to people who are negative and will bring you down. Walk away from the negative and surround yourself with the positive. All of these words sound simple and almost greeting card like, and that’s far too simple an explanation for anyone to live a life after the ruins of a psychopath. It is much more complex than these simple words. Much more difficult to put into practice. At times you will have to walk away from family, from friends you might have known for years. You will have to learn who the negative people really are in your life. You must see people for who they are and what they bring to your table. Eventually, this gets easier. And as it gets easier, you be creating a new Journey for yourself, one that is better than you ever imagined you could ever have lived.

Begin to color your world, ever so slowly with the paints you from your artbox. Some days will still be gray, but others can be glowing with the colors of your choice.

Peace,

Sorceress.

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License

 

Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…)So How Did Daniel Hook Me?

It was all so easy. I was all so easy. I didn’t know exactly what a psychopath did to women that they met. I mean, I knew what they did, but I read about what they did. I was one of those people who read the horrible stories and thought that was far away and didn’t happen in the general populace. These people aren’t hanging around waiting and choosing their next victim. I was a sitting duck waiting to be picked up by a psychopath.

I was soon to learn. He chose me from a flea market where I sold left-over goods from my store. I was in the same spot every week-end. I would see him round the bend, clutching  this women’s hand ever so tightly, looking very angry every Saturday and Sunday. He would be wearing his Fire Responder jacket and cap with its station number on it. I figured he either wasn’t a morning person or they just didn’t get along. Either way, this couple wasn’t the happiest couple in the market, that was for sure.

Add to this picture that he was wearing a jacket that most people recognize as something of importance and stature, and he passed any degree of uncertainty. With this jacket he appeared to be an admirable volunteer, helping people.

He would saunter into my booth after letting go of her hand, while she would wander over to another woman’s booth to look at jewelry. While in my booth, he wouldn’t say a word, just look over what I had. Never say a word. Just look at my merchandise. Later on, he did admit to me, that he was looking me over to decipher me, to figure me out, to try to find a way in. At least he admitted that to me.

Months went by and I didn’t see him. I forgot about him. This was a huge market and thousands of people walked it each week-end. It was miles long and always very busy. As the summer went on, I decided to move my booth to another site. This might have been why I didn’t see him. He couldn’t find me. As I said earlier, this marker was huge. He would have had to walk miles up and down rows to attempt to find my booth. He did remark that he also had lost me and had been looking for me. At the time, I simply thought it was more of a friendly type of comment.

So a few months later, I see this man again,walking with this woman. This time he is walking a puppy on a leash. As my luck would have it, I am in the market for a new dog. I’d lost my shepherd earlier and was now ready to get another dog. This dog I could tell was of the shepherd variety, I didn’t know what, and it’s a common practice at times to sell pets at a flea market. So I call out, “Selling that dog?”

He veers right into my booth. She follows. The woman, who I am soon about to learn is his wife. She stands about ten feet away. He kneels down at my feet with the dog. I kneel on the ground to talk to the dog and him.

I say to him, “So you are selling this dog? Tell me about her/him?” And he does. He cuts me a deal. I ask about the woman. He says that’s his wife, but don’t worry about her. That’s why I’m down here on the ground with you, so she can’t hear anything that I’m saying to you”. I glance at her, but she seems oblivious to us. She’s looking around the market, not really paying any attention. I guess she wants the dog sold.

So we make a deal on the dog, he gives me his phone number, tells me to call him and off he goes. Before he leaves, he tells me to call tomorrow to tell him how the dog is doing and if he can visit the dog at my store. I tell him I might call, but the dog will be at my store and anyone can visit the premises. He tells me he knows where it is already. I ignore that comment because my interest is more on my new puppy. Some of my customers knew the location of my store from my flyers that I had printed and placed in my booth. Usually, they would ask for directions tho.

I bring my puppy home, she seems fine. The only problem is that she seems skittish. Skittish around women. As a matter of fact, one time I am brushing my hair, and I raise my arm with the brush to run it through my hair above my head. Sabbath flinched. She cowers away from me. I knew instinctively that this dog, this puppy had been abused.

The following Wednesday a man saunters into my shop, wearing sunglasses after dark. There are others in my store when he walks in. I take a double look at the man. It’s him. Who I now refer to as the psychopath. He gets half-way into my store and I tell him to stop. “Take off those shades”, I tell him. I want to see his eyes. No reason for him to be wearing them at this time of night. He does. “How’s the pup?” he asks.

I ask him about how he raised this animal. He tells me that she was the runt of the litter. How her sac hadn’t been broken. How he had to rip it open himself to give her life. (Playing into my sympathies here, I would imagine.) I tell him this puppy was abused. He reacts with astonishment. Then he narrows his eyes, and without batting an eyelash says, “You’ve just verified what I’ve suspected all along. I always had an idea that my wife abused the puppies. I would find this old rubber hose lying around. She must have used that.” I believed him. I had no other reason not to believe him. I didn’t know her. And I didn’t know him, either.

But he was hooking me in with the story of the birth of my new puppy, how he gave her life. It sounded plausible. How was I to know that in just a few years that this man who I thought was a life-giver to animals was also a life-extinguisher to the same defenseless creatures when he would decapitate one of my cats? The day he broke in and decapitated her, he also took a video of her running from him on my camera. He took some shots of her before and after the decapitation. I would find these pictures seven months later on the digital camera when he replaced it in a box from where he had removed it. I cannot explain the revulsion I felt of seeing my cat hiding from him on the highest place she could find, while I could hear his voice calling to her. Then seeing her bloody body in two captured for all posterity, for me to see. Imagining your cat being decapitated is one thing, but actually seeing the picture in front of you is a horrific sight that you never forget.

When I went to court with evidence of Daniel and his decapitation of my cat, the judge asked me if I had “seen him do it”. I had to answer no. The judge asked if I had any other evidence of his doing this. I told him that Daniel had left one of his tee shirts (it was a wife-beater variety) on top of the cat, he had left an expired picture i.d., and he had cut out an article from the newspaper that I had written about the ineffectiveness of the 911 system when you might be using your cell phone to report a problem. He had left those three pieces in my bedroom, along with the decapitated cat. The judge ruled it all circumstantial.

I understand the limits of the court. I had first called the Police Department to report this crime. If they had done their job properly, they would have been able to lock this case down with forensic evidence immediately. All the responding officer did when he came to my home was ask me, “What do you want me to do?” I had to try, yes try to plead my case with that officer. When that didn’t work, I went directly to the County PFA Office and told them my story. They agreed to allow a judge to hear what had happened.

When I heard the judge’s response, I was disappointed. Naturally, I was upset,but I knew the odds were not in my favor. Daniel was not going to kill the cat in my presence. That was not his style. The court clerk that was transposing the case was angry at the judge also. I could see her face as I and the judge were conversing. She seemed disturbed. She had probably heard far too many similar cases.

When I saw the judge would not waver in his stance, I took one more shot. I knew he could cite me for contempt of court at any time, but I didn’t care at this point. I took a deep breath and began. “Your Honor, I have one more thing to say to you, if you would allow.” And he did allow. “When you go home this evening to your wife (I saw a wedding ring on his left hand and took a guess) I want you to tell her this story. I want you to tell her how this woman came into your court this afternoon. Tell her the story of how this diagnosed psychopath keeps breaking into this woman’s home, and how he’s broken into it over 200 times already. Only now, he did the unthinkable. He decapitated her cat. But he didn’t do it in front of her, so you, Your Honor, could call it “circumstantial evidence”. He only left his shirt, one of his expired picture i.d.s, and an article from the newspaper that she wrote that referred to the effectiveness of 911 in an emergency using a cellphone. But those three items were not good enough to bring this diagnosed psychopath, whom Police have on record of breaking into her home over 200 times, in for questioning. So you are for all purposes letting him go to continue on his path of destruction. Who or what will he kill next? More animals? Or me?”

The court transcriptionist at this point was giving me a thumbs up and smiling broadly. I was shaking inside but standing tall. I continued with these last words. “Your Honor, I say this to you because I have been stalked and no one seems to be paying any attention. I have had a butcher knife held to my neck, and Daniel still walks free. Now he is killing my pets. Go home and tell your wife so she can look you in the eye and maybe, just maybe, she will recommend you to think before you allow the next psychopath to go free.”

I waited. I was waiting for the gavel to come down with a “Contempt Of Court”. It never did. He looked at me with eyes that said he could do nothing. He simply said it was over. Next case. On to the next person that he would decide their fate for the day.

So that was one of the hooks that Daniel reeled me in with, so to speak. He had stalked me for a while, unbeknownst to me. His love of animals that he claimed to have. Through him, I lost many of my pets. I still cry about them. Thinking of their untimely deaths at his hands.

To my animals that Daniel murdered and disposed of, May You All Rest In Peace. I know you are free in Summerland.

Peace.

Sorceress

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License

 

Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…Red Flags#6…Not Me, I Wouldn’t Fall For Those Lies.)

Those lies. Those words. Those sweet words that he tells you. Those endearing, sweet nothings he whispers  that warm your heart and body. The beautiful language of the psychopath.

You tell yourself, “I wouldn’t fall for those lies. I’m too savvy. I’m too smart. I’m on to player types.” Sure you are. Most women know about players. We sit around and laugh and giggle about those type of guys. So what’s the real difference? Why is it so important to know the difference between a psychopath and a player? More importantly, do you understand that there are differences between the psychopath and the player?

To actually define what a player is, the term is a description of societal behavior. Other similar descriptive words that women might use could be womanizer, hustler or cheater. Looking at the description in UrbanDictionary.com, it lists “player” as:

1.

player 3199 up290 down
A male who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases “play him for a fool”, or “play him like a violin”. The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s.

2.

1586 up388 down
a guy who:
(1) doesn’t understand the meaning of relationship
(2) is in full reproductive mode
(3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts)
(4) often “dates” several girls at several schools (girls are often unaware of each other)

3.

613 up197 down
A man who seduces woman to make them think that they are the love of their life. Once the woman falls for the man, he casually asks her out on a date. When descirbing the date to her he will make it sound very romantic. ex. picnic on a beach, dinner and a movie, etc. The woman will meet the man and soon find out plans have changed. For some reason the man wants to stay at home. Since the woman likes the man so much she will not think twice about it. She will soon find out that the man only wants to be sexually with her and couldn’t give a damn about her, her life, or her personality. But the woman will give into the man, feeling that being physical will make their relationship stronger. When, in reality, the man has no intention of even talking to the woman after that night! The sad thing is that women who gets played usually goes back to the man, thinking, hoping, that there will be a relationship soon to come. But players are just comlete assholes. They’re manipulating and the only “feelings” they have are in the pants. AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS!!

See http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=player .

Granted, what is in the urban dictionary is written by the public. It’s written by society. It’s people’s emotions and feelings. It’s opinions. It’s crass at times. But so are players. So that’s why I chose that particular reference for the word player. I needed the definition of what most people think a player is, does and how one behaves.

So how do you see the real difference between a frivolous player and a true psychopath? They’re both losers. They’re both not worth your time. They’re both sporting huge red flags. But a psychopath will demonstrate the following behaviors:  be impulsive in their actions, superficial charming behavior towards you, manipulative, have a lack of remorse or guilt, have a history of juvenile delinquency, cannot control their behaviors, constant lying, uneven emotions, adapt his behavior to match yours, fail to take responsibility for his own actions, lead a worthless lifestyle (some), promiscuous with a variety of sexual partners and the list goes on. I’ve talked about a psychopath’s behavior in former posts, please see links below.

So you think you won’t ever fall for a psychopath? Ever fall for any of these red flag lies? Here are some more in my continuing list.

1. I would or I could never lie to you.

2. If you play your cards right, I can get you a job in your field. or

3. You know, I know the right people to set you up in a good job for you.

4. I tested HIV negative.

5. It’s you and me babe-we’ll make love in every place you can imagine!

6. When I tell you my wife and I lead separate lives, we do. Very separate lives. She even has her own bedroom.

7. I’m going to leave my wife.

8. I don’t love my wife. I don’t think I ever did.

9. Love my wife? She doesn’t  know the meaning of the word love. You know the meaning of the word love. 

10. It’s because of you that I understand what this thing called love is all about.

11. What attracts me to you is your mind. We can control the world.

12. We can be a power couple.

13. Imagine the power we hold together?

14. Do you see how people look at us?

15. I want your opinion, it’s important to me.

16. I beginning to think I really can’t live without you.

17. I promise you that I’ll change.

18. My wife and I have an understanding.

19. I agree, let’s be friends first.

20. Looks aren’t everything.

21. Your money is your money, I have no need for it.

22. What? I never said that. You are confused.

23. You make me feel like I’m in HS again…like a kid.

24. That’s not a tan line from a wedding ring. It was my grandfather’s ring.

25. I’ve never hit, nor will I ever hit a woman.

As I’ve said before, and I will repeat, these words spew forth from the mouth of the habitual liar easily. They form on the lips of the psychopath because he wants you to believe in him. The ideas forming in the mind of the psychopath’s mind are all about you. So whatever he talks about, must conform to your standards. Why? He must make you think that he is acceptable to your standards. How will he do this? He will study you, scrutinize you, learn all about you. He will take this information, wrap it into a neat little package in his brain. He will compartmentalized this information for safekeeping so that he can use it every chance he gets to make you believe he is the perfect man for you. He will twist your words, confuse you, frustrate you. He will do these things in a very short matter of time. And you are hooked. Unbelievably hooked.

Peace.

Sorceress

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License

 

Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…Red Flags #5-Oh Those Lies He Tells Me)

Red Flags Of The Psychopath

Red Flags Of The Psychopath

As promised, the next set of 25 best lies he will tell you to make your heart tremble. The lies that make you speechless. The words designed to wrap around your heart and mind to sweep you off your feet and run to him with arms wide open because… because…well, you just know, you feel he needs only you.

After all, he’s told you this over and over. How much he needs you. How much he runs to you. How much you’ve got him. Or how much he’s got you. You are at a loss for words. But you know he’s got you. With his beck and call, you’ll run. Drop whatever you’re doing and go to him. His plan is working.

You’re not exactly sure why it’s working so fast, so quickly, so rapidly. You have no idea why this man has you wrapped around his little finger the way he does, but he did it. And he did it in a matter of days, or hours, even.

His audience,you,  enraptured with the thought of sweet promises. You’ve given him the key. You wait up for him. After hours, wait up for him. His car is parked outside between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m.  Or  between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m.   Or between noon and 1:30. How about from 5 to 7:30 p.m.? Getting the idea here? Restricted hours?

But the words he tells you make it ok. It feels so good to you and him. His words make everything sound so right. Of course they do.He’s watched you, read you, listened to you  and is now playing back a newer version of you. The psychopath’s version. What a guy. All in a matter of weeks he was able to choose you, figure out your idiosyncrasies, and spit them back out at you to make you believe that he is so much like you. What a match for you. How long have you known him now? Ten days? He’s a quick one to make you feel like this, that psychopath.

Red Flags #4, as promised, the lies, the words designed to make you feel special or wanted or you just might be the one in his life to turn it around and be his one and only. Remember, these are words many people say to each other. These words are said out of context after only a few days. That isn’t normal behavior. Or is it?

1. I don’t sleep around, that’s not my style.

2. I’ve only slept with…let’s see…probably 6 or 7 women in my life.

3. I don’t really drink, maybe I’ll have a beer when I’m out with a friend, but that’s really a rare time.

4. Drugs? Nope.

5. My wife and I don’t have sex anymore. Haven’t in years. It’s a sad situation. That’s what makes me so happy I finally found a woman like you.

6. Interested in other women? Why would you say that? You’re the only one for me.

7. I’ve never been experimental in sex, never had the opportunity. Wish I could have. Thought I was freak to think I wanted to.

8. When I’m with a woman in a relationship, I’m with her only.

9. Who? No, I don’t know that woman you just mentioned. (yet you have proof.)

10. I always use a condom.

11. I could never lie to you, you’re too important to me, don’t you see that?

12. My only sexual fantasies are about you, is that ok with you? I hope you don’t mind….

13. Believe me, if we have sex, it won’t change the way I feel about you.

14. Of course I don’t want you for sex only.

15. No, I’ve never had rough sex, or alternative sex, or BDSM. That’s not what I’m into.

16. I’d never do anything to hurt you.

17. It’s you and me babe, I want to grow old with you, forever.

18. I’ll always take care of you, aren’t you my responsibility?

19.  I’ve never done this before…you know, had an affair.

20. I’ve never been in therapy, ever.

21. I’d like you even if you were a man.

22. Don’t worry, I’ll stand behind you if you get pregnant, after all, I want you to have my child.

23. My wife/gf was a whore/whored around, I can see you’re not like that.

24. Women should be put on pedestals, like you.

25. I adore you.

Do any of these sound confusing to you? Especially when said to you right at the outset of meeting a new man? Some of these comments wouldn’t be shared with someone you’ve just met. Some of them are personal. Some of them designed to confuse you, some to frustrate you. Most of them, a lot of them, all of them? Are lies when spewed from the mouth of the true psychopath.

When the pathological liar, when a psychopath begin to asses his victim, he must move quickly. He assesses, he learns everything he can, then he moves in for the kill. I don’t use that word lightly. Some psychopaths do murder. Some psychopaths are quite violent. At some point in the relationship, there will be a down turn, and he will lose interest in you. The honeymoon phase will end, he will begin to look elsewhere, and the berating will begin. He may hold on to you for his own personal reasons, he may not. Regardless, your so-called belief as an object of affection with a soul mate that you couldn’t believe was possible has now ended. He has now finished playing with his toy.

Peace.

Sorceress

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License