Survivors. Are we hypervigilant fodder for psychopaths and their disillusioned friends? Do we stand out as our own brand of red flags for the mentally disillusioned? Or are we stronger and simply more aware than the average person chooses to be in today’s society?
We didn’t choose the paths that we are on today. Those labyrinths were chosen for us by the one that also attempted to control and destroy our lives. I deliberately use the word attempt. Why? Because in the beginning, a psychopath can only attempt to begin to control his victim before he gains control. He chooses his victim wisely, and his victim also has the ability, within reason, to choose her destiny.
But does she, really, when we weigh all the factors? Most people are not looking to not trust others when they actively meet another person. It’s natural human nature. We want to trust other people. We want to believe in the next person. We want to believe that there is good in the people that we meet. We don’t want to believe the people we meet harbor dark thoughts about us that are preconceived and actually have nothing to do with us.
For the uninitiated into the world of psychopaths, sociopaths , anti-social personalities, Cluster-B personality disorders, and similar disorders, if you have never lived or been in close, intimate contact with one of them, you probably continue in your life never thinking about these types of people. And why should you? That’s a good thought process. It’s refreshing. It’s clean.
You probably come across them on TV or if you are a fan of authors that write fiction that deals with their types of personalities. But your thoughts always bring you to the same conclusion: never me, so why must I live a life being concerned that I might run into of one of these people? These situations only happen on TV and in books. It’s all fiction from the minds of great writers. They get paid to create these stories. But you should never think this way.
Why? Because they aren’t the dark looking monsters that television and literature that our local bookstores give you the impression they are. And in turn, the same TV programs or books that you read also tell you that the victims of these people are now either a) suffering so horribly they can’t find employment or meaning in their lives; b) their lives have been so traumatized they look like walking zombies so of course you can pick them out from the crowd; c) they obsess on the crimes that have been committed to them regularly which in turn, makes them hypervigilant and they have lost touch with reality sans their own psychopath, sociopath,etc; d) they will never be able to have relationships again because of the horrific acts they were perpetrated upon them or e) they are lost souls to be pitied for what has happened to them. If you believe what television and fictional stories tell you, then you live in a fairy-tale world. And the above about Survivors are fairy-tales and not true at all.
When we meet someone for the first time, we believe we are meeting another human being on equal footing. It is inherent in our natural beliefs and upbringing that we bring to the table normal thoughts about ourselves and towards the other person. We naturally want to be open, somewhat free about ourselves and have the encouragement to explore a new relationship with happiness and delight. That would be considered normal, average, standard and regular behavior. Taking away those that have ulterior motives simply for sex, we begin on small paths to new friendships that might lead to stronger personal one-on-one relationships. At least that’s what we think. It’s not always what’s happening in the mind of the disillusioned person, the psychopath.
So in your daily activity of looking at new friendships, there are two undercurrents that you should be aware about that are at work. When there are two people involved, there are two mental states of mind that will be working to decipher each other. The key factor is to decide if the other is honest, trustworthy and reliable. How do we do this? How do we look at others easily while not seeming to be people who are considered untrusting and hypervigliant about relationships?
How do we not become victims again? And how do we not become targets of psychopaths who believe they can take down a Survivor again as a challenge? These are all very real questions and thoughts that occur to people who have been in traumatic relationships. These questions not only occur to Survivors but they happen in their lives.
Once a life is dramatically changed by a traumatic event, a pattern emerges that is set in place for that person. Their life changes forever. They cannot go back to the person they were before the event that changed them. But of course, this is a sequence that happens for everyday people. Naturally occurring events change and alter your life and you continue down pathways. What are the differences between these people?
When a traumatic event occurs it affects the mind and its perception of similar events. When traumatic events occur over a more lengthier time, then the human mind develops more symptoms. It sees more triggers and becomes more concentrated in its observance of its surroundings. Instead of easily enjoying simple pleasures, we begin to pick apart what life brings us and looks for similar instances to the former traumas that have befallen us. We are trying to protect ourselves. We are attempting to wrap ourselves in our own warm blankets of protection. Our minds have internal protective mechanisms for shelter against future traumatic attacks.
Should you decide to go to any type of counseling for your PTSD that was induced by a psychopath, sociopath, a borderline, a Cluster-B, etc., be exceedingly careful in whom you choose. Although health care professionals will tell you they are able to discuss PTSD about domestic abuse, that doesn’t mean they have actually dealt with these matters in their office or personally with others. always ask and use specific questions should you decide to want counseling. Interview the psychologist/psychiatrist with your questions first before they do an intake on you. Be prepared and comfortable with what you want to talk about. Be honest. Again, Survivors are still vulnerable. Even tho healthcare professionals must follow laws, they also realize your vulnerability. Be strong in your convictions about what has been done to you,what you want to discuss, and the limits of how you wish to discuss your story. A good idea is to visit your local women’s shelter for advice also.
Unfortunately, the media has given more time to criminals, psychopaths,etc., than they do the Survivors and victims. Because of the twisted fascination with the “who, what, why and how” of the criminal, the Survivor is given far less impact and time to show what happens in the time periods afterwards.
This is why it is so important to tell your success story as a Survivor to as many as you can in a positive way. I have a blog contact listed in every post for my readers if you are not comfortable to write your own story so you may contact me to tell me your story.
Our world needs to know that we are alive and bursting with energy again. That we are ready to take on the world, to create, to learn, to educate, to live. We are not wallowing in self-pity. We are not walking zombies that stand in unemployment lines. Simply because we write about our experiences does not mean we are obsessed about what has happened to us. It means we want to educate others so they, in turn, will learn and educate themselves about these types of personalities. It’s called sharing and caring. We do have relationships again, however, the key to our new relationships is how to choose the right partner. A partner that is free from games and sick, twisted, mind games. We aren’t lost souls at all, quite the contrary. We have meaning in our lives. Perhaps more meaning than ever before and without a doubt, more meaning than the average person. We have experiences to share and we have the ability and knowledge to do this.
So are we new fodder and sitting ducks for psychopaths as Survivors? No, not at all. We now are brimming with a new-found knowledge that automatically kicks in when one them crosses our path. We see those red flags blowing right in front of their faces. His words aren’t sounding so sweet when they pour out of his mouth. They actually sound ridiculous now when you hear them .
When a person tells you “I love you…you’re the soul mate I’ve been looking for and never found…will you marry me…today?” just a week or two after you’ve met him? I hope you know the answer as to whom you’re talking to and what type of person he is. Always remember you’re worth waiting for in time. Don’t let someone tell you to hurry, instead spend your life on your time, as you feel it should be spent. Be comfortable in everything you do. If it feels right? It probably is. Time will tell you whether it is.
Only you can discern the real from the fake. Only you can obsess about your past and decide to go on. Only you can decide what to bring with you from your memories that will teach you stronger convictions and help you educate others. Memories do intrude upon you at the most inopportune times, and you cannot stop them. That’s how our brains work. But you can take those memories and choose where to store them.
Another blogger from WordPress tells her story of success of growth and survival from these types of personality disorders here: The Void Behind the Narcissist’s Mask. Proof of Survivors telling their stories so others will learn as they grow stronger each day.
Our realizations become luminous centers within us when we face the demons that once tried to thwart us, entrap us and bring us down. That’s when we become the fireballs we are now.
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