Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…The Lies Become Their Own Truths…)

Lyrics by Nickelback

Never Again lyrics
Songwriters: Kroeger, Michael; Vikedal, Ryan; Kroeger, Chad; Peake, Ryan;

He’s drunk again
It’s time to fight
She must have done something wrong tonight
The living room becomes a boxing ring
It’s time to run when you see him

Clenching his hands
She’s just a woman
Never again

I hear her scream from down the hall
Amazing she can even talk at all
She cries to me
Go back to bed
I’m terrified that she’ll wind up

Dead in his hands
She’s just a woman
But never again
Been there before
But not like this
Seen it before
But not like this
Never before
Have I ever seen it this bad
She’s just a woman
Never again

Just tell the nurse you slipped and fell
It starts to sting as it starts to swell
She looks at you
She wants the truth
It’s right out there in the waiting room

With those hands
Lookin’ just as sweet as he can
Never again
Seen it before
But not like this
Been there before
But not like this
Never before
Have I ever seen it this bad
She’s just a woman
Never again
Never again

Father’s a name you haven’t earned yet
You’re just a child with a temper
Haven’t you heard, don’t hit a lady
Kickin’ your ass would be a pleasure

Oh
Ohh
He’s drunk again it’s time to fight
Same old shit just on a different night
She grabs the gun
She’s had enough
Tonight she’ll find out
How fucking tough

Is this man
Pulls the trigger fast as she can
Never again
Seen it before
But not like this
Been there before
But not like this
Never before
Have I ever seen it this bad
She’s just a woman

Never again
Seen it before
But not like this
Been there before
But not like this
Never before
Have I ever seen it this bad

She’s just a woman
Never again
Never again
Never again
Never again

Taken from: http://www.elyrics.net/read/n/nickelback-lyrics/never-again-lyrics.html. This site also has readers interpretations of the song. The Never Again lyrics by Nickelback is copyrighted and eLyrics.net is featuring all nickelback songs for non-commercial use only.Never Again by Nickelback, Live At Sturgis 2006 is my favorite version and can be seen at Youtube. 

Never Again is the title of a song by Nickelback, a song that very well could be a mantra for women in abusive relationships. People assume that abusive relationships are easily spottable, that you can see the bruises, the marks that he has left on her. How untrue this is!

We all know some women hide their marks for their own personal reasons, such as fear of being discovered, embarassment and protection of their children and pets at home. But there are other types of marks that are not seen as visible and are hidden from people, not because a woman wants to hide them. They are hidden because they simply cannot be seen to the naked eye.

What can be seen about these marks are the tell-tale signs of emotional abuse and psychological abuse that a psychopath, a narcissist, a cluster-B personality, a sociopath, a borderline personality, etc.,  leaves after he inflicts his personal damage on his victim. In my former posts, I have spoken of the psychopath, the narcissist, the borderline personality, the narcissistic personality, the histrionic personality, the antisocial personality and the sociopath. For clarification purposes here is a definition of the Cluster B personality:

Four cluster B personality disorders are described in DSM-IV:[1]

From:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cluster_B_personality_disorders.

Daniel and his mother had been diagnosed with everything included in the the Cluster B personality disorder list. I had been living my personal nightmare with two people on a daily basis that lived the life of these disorders. For most of that time period, I was a prisoner, in a wheelchair, forced to depend upon these two very psychiatrically ill people. They were able to fool many people during the time period I was with them, including the judicial system and people that were supposed to be looking out for victims.

I will say that at times, there were those in the County Court System that would attempt to talk to me but Sandra would always intercept them. During the times that I would be called into court to testify against Daniel for a PFA, or when he attempted to murder me with a butcher knife, I was still either in a wheelchair, still non-verbal from the motor vehicle accident, or learning to verbalize again. Sandra would take these times as her advantage to speak for me and tell the courts and their administrators what she wanted them to hear.

This was torturous for me. I would look at the administrators with eyes that were pleading. Sometimes, I thought they might take me back into another room to talk alone. But that never happened. At other times, because I was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, I felt that if I let Sandra lie about her son I would still be taken care of by her. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to. The courts weren’t helping me, and if they weren’t aiding me when I needed them, how could I turn to them for any type of help?

Sandra had inherited a great deal of money when her husband Lester had passed away in 1999, and she now had the means to use this money any way she saw fit. If it meant using money to hire the most expensive lawyer to free her son from the charges against him when he was arrested for attempted murder, she would do it. And she did. Even tho Daniel tried to asphyxiate me with pillows, tried to choke me with his hands, threw me against a solid oak door, then held a butcher knife to my neck and abdomen before I was able to break loose and the police broke into the home on Chelsea, his sentence was only 364 days of probation, time served, and an anger management course. 

Because Sandra always had a police scanner on at her home, she knew of the incident occurring in real-time at the Chelsea home. She was waiting outside with the police while they were on the line with 911. 911 was listening to the entire incident on my telephone, which had been placed by me on the kitchen table in the kitchen while Daniel was holding the butcher knife to my neck and abdomen and telling me he bought the butcher knife to “motherfucking kill me”.

When Daniel was finally taken into custody, and I was let back into my home, Sandra barged her way in to see what the officers were saying to me. I could barely speak, because of the attempted strangulation. My throat was closing, my vocal chords were raspy and there were strangulation marks around my neck. I was near hysteria. The officer wanted to take a statement. I wanted to write my statement down on his paperwork.

Sandra instead grabbed the papers and offered her opinion of what went on in the house. Because of her beguiling ways and seductiveness, she managed to convince the officer that she was able to understand what I was saying and he began to write what Sandra was telling him. I was in shock at the time from the entire incident. The officer told her I needed to be brought to the emergency room to be checked for injuries. She promised him that she, of course, would take me. Because I was in shock, and Sandra was convincing in her own lies to the officer, he believed her. It was her lies against my barely audible, rasping voice wrapped in a shocked demeanor that the officer should have recognized. Sandra told the officer that Daniel had “problems”, and didn’t “mean” to do these things, that he needed “help”.

Where did the officer go wrong in his thinking? How could he allow this woman to write my statement? She was not present at the time of the incident. She was at her home. He never asked me if I wanted her to write my statement. I could not speak because of the choking. I was in shock. I should have had immediate medical assistance. It was obvious that this officer was not trained properly. To allow this woman to give my statement to him was beyond belief. That was the beginning of Daniel falling through the cracks on this one.

The one assistance that this officer did offer to me was his insistence that I go to the emergency room. I wanted to go by ambulance for my safety. Sandra somehow convinced him that it would be better if a family member took me, and he allowed her to take me. Again, I was left in the hands of one of my captors. She did take me to the ER. The officer did call to the hospital to check if I was taken there, however, but he did not follow through on speaking with the doctor or nurses. He only asked to speak to me directly at the phone at the emergency room. I could barely speak, and all he asked is if I was getting treatment, and then hung up. That was all.

Had this officer done his job properly, I would have been rid of Daniel that night. There would have been a good chance of him being put away if a proper statement had been taken, if this officer had truly documented my condition, the condition of the home, and looked for the knife and the other instruments that I wanted to tell him about. But Sandra intercepted it all to protect her son. I tried to talk and get the officer’s attention, but it appeared that I was in shock to him and near hysteria (as Sandra told him). I was not. I wanted him to know what had happened. I was horrified at what was happening to a crime scene. Sandra was covering it up and knew it. She was taking me away and frankly, I wondered what her next step would be.

When a disturbed psychiatric personality gets away with lies all of their life, they begin to believe them. When their lies are supported by someone who is integrally close to them in their own support network, such as Daniel’s mother was to him, and she supported his lies and lied for him, those lies became truths to the both of them. Lying continuously was as natural to them as breathing is to the human body. Pathological lying, or Pseudologia fantastica, can be present in the illnesses that Daniel and his mother have. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_lying.

The judge at the time of the charges wouldn’t give Daniel the usual 10% of the bail reduction and his bail had been set at $30,000.00. Sandra put her own money down for her son’s bail at the time, and it didn’t make any difference to her what the amount was. The judge wouldn’t release him because of psychiatric reasons. Daniel had attempted suicide when they first brought him to the prison. What else was new for Daniel? After all, attempting suicide was commonplace for him.

Whirlwinds. That’s what my time with this family seems to me now. It seemed like that back then also. Sandra throwing her money to wherever she thought it might help. To placate me with letting her son die during one of his suicide attempts, to putting money up for his bail, it didn’t matter to her. She spent it as carelessly as Lester had saved it behind her back.

As much as they were plotting in their sick, twisted minds to hurt people and always have their own way in their sick minds, I was plotting just as much to get out of this sick, perverted life they had created for me. In their minds, I was their ticket to some type of sanity, to a type of class that Sandra could never attain to, an education status that Sandra never had. Sandra often talked about growing up in her words “on the wrong side of the tracks” and how she married Lester to attain a status she had always wanted.

When she met  me, she realized she had met a woman who could open doors for her. Little did I know back then, doors were about to close for me. And those doors would be locked for years until I could find the keys to open them. The struggle seemed insurmountable at times, almost impossible. But I had a will and I held on to it. Because of that will and that hope, I am here today.

Peace.

Sorceress.

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License

 

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5 responses to “Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…The Lies Become Their Own Truths…)

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