Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…(Finding Your Inner Strength)

Color Your World, KMC, 2012.

Color Your World, KMC, 2012.

Life can be a game for some people. Take Monopoly, for instance. You pass go, collect your $200.00, and continue on your path to new conquests. Some don’t want to take stock of their inventory or build from it. They’re more interested in continuing the same circle, picking up a few cards every now and then and taking their chances. While others plot their courses carefully, build from their inventory and envision a future that can be. It’s a much slower process. It takes time. It takes patience. What is required is planning and thought.

And there could be stumbling blocks in the way of coursing your own path alone while creating your own destiny but the choice is always yours. It’s supposed to be. But what happens when a stumbling block comes across your path that is too huge for you to climb over? Too spiky for you to want to cross? Or maybe that mountain ahead is precipitous and just too pretty, so you decide to sit down for a while and take in the view. Wondering what’s in those hills. And of course, there could be trouble in those pretty little mountains you see. Your vision isn’t always as clear as the next person. As you’re stopping to appreciate the view, the next person might be stopping to decimate the very same picture. Scary thought, isn’t it?

And this is just what the psychopathic personality is doing, the antisocial personality, the borderline personality, the cluster-b personality disorder, the sociopath,the narcississtic personality,  all of the deviant personality disorders that I speak about. They lie in wait for their next victim, akin to an animal in the jungle. As you so naïvely take in the sunshine and clean air around you, they are plotting your every move, waiting for their right moment to leap and pounce when you least expect their movements.

Never envisioned a human being to behave so raw, with such animal tendencies? Why not? We are animals, by nature. We feed on the behavior of others, whether we want to admit that behavior to ourselves or not. The truth is the majority of the population behaves in a way that is acceptable to society, its norms and mores, so when we think of our behaviors based on others directives we aren’t disturbed at our own actions. We judge ourselves correctly. We don’t look in the mirror and tell ourselves that it’s OK to lie, to cheat, to steal, to harass, to stalk, to rape, to murder. Those whose brains are short-circuited, cross-wired, afflicted with psychiatric disorders simply do tell themselves it’s OK. They spend their days lying to themselves constantly about their lifestyles and behaviors. It’s all part of their personal psychological make-up. And they spend an inordinate amount of time attempting to convince you that they are right in everything they do and that you are wrong in everything you do. Their sick, twisted goal is to separate the weak from the strong. In their minds, they are the strong, and you are the weak they have preyed upon. They will separate you from your friends, your family, because in their minds, these  people represent other strengths to you. Your strengths must be demolished. They must be removed. As in the jungle, a predator will isolate an animal from the herd to capture it. As in the jungle, as in life, this sick mind will isolate you to capture you.

How do you prevent this from happening? How do you recognize the signs of capture? Those of us who are Survivors know the red flags. I honestly don’t believe any of us look for these red flags in earnest. We automatically spot them. Perhaps, in the beginning, after the rawness, after realizing what has transpired in our own fragile psyche, we do become hyper-vigilant. We are untrusting Souls, this group I label Survivors. As well we should be., Our very cores of our existence have been ripped to shreds, tossed into the air for pleasure and pain, left to bake in the hot sun waiting for scavengers to tear us to shreds again for the choices we have made.

A former post of mine starts talking about red flags and continues for a series of 6 articles on red flags of these personalities and their traits when you meet them. Here is the link to the first post:  https://sorceressofthedark.wordpress.com/2011/07/14/survivor-of-a-psychopathwith-borderline-tendencies-red-flags-to-look-for/.

Society doesn’t want to blame the manipulative, charming psychopathic personality for the damage he has done. They can’t see him for who he is and what he is immediately. They need a quick fix. They turn instead to an easier explanation, blaming what has transpired on the victim, on who they term the weaker person, the one who made the poor choices in their opinion, the person who should have seen what was happening all along. Society has absolutely no ideas of the devastation, the plotting, the manipulations that these people conjure upon their victims. They only see what they want to see and hear, leaving the victim a true victim in every sense with no recourse.

When I shut Daniel out of my home with a Judge’s Order on August 26th, 2006, little did I know I would be starting another Journey that would involve the loss of my entire financial savings, my entire estate, my future retirement plan, my friends, over 200 break-ins by him, the loss of all of my pets, the loss of my home, my clothing and nearly everything I had every owned in my entire life, multiple court appearances for offenses that I allegedly committed-offenses that were actually committed by Daniel and his Mother on my property, relocating over five times because of his obsession,  his continual stalking me and still learning that recently he had still asked a mutual friend about my whereabouts, what did I look like, etc, and dealing with the after effects of this horrendous relationship through rose-colored Post Traumatic Stress Disorder glasses.

Not all will go through the same phases. Not all will heal in the same manner. As a matter of fact, some may not be able to heal at all. Healing takes effort on your part and you must be willing to be a part of your own health. There are far too many people that repress their memories instead of bringing them to the surface for personal healing. Remember, the memories remain regardless of how many times you speak about them. The difference is when you talk about them you see them in a different light each time and you realize how strong you really are as you relate your stories.

When my son was thinking of relocating to an area I believe Daniel to be living in, I questioned him what would happen if he would run into him. My son’s response was simple and to the point, “It’s you he’s obsessed with, Mom. He never cared about any of us. We’re safe, it’s you that’s not.”

Point well taken. I don’t live in fear. I never have. Perhaps that stems from where I grew up, Perhaps it’s because I survived Daniel’s two murder attempts on me and his subsequent poisonings. I’m not sure where inner strength and courage comes from, I just know it’s there and he is not going to take it from me. I am here on this Earth to share my story with others to give them insight and hopefully more courage to leave their situations and become stronger. Because they can. They should. No one should let a sick, twisted mind overcome them with fear and trepidation.

Find your inner strength and hold on to it with all you have and don’t let go. Don’t succumb to people who are negative and will bring you down. Walk away from the negative and surround yourself with the positive. All of these words sound simple and almost greeting card like, and that’s far too simple an explanation for anyone to live a life after the ruins of a psychopath. It is much more complex than these simple words. Much more difficult to put into practice. At times you will have to walk away from family, from friends you might have known for years. You will have to learn who the negative people really are in your life. You must see people for who they are and what they bring to your table. Eventually, this gets easier. And as it gets easier, you be creating a new Journey for yourself, one that is better than you ever imagined you could ever have lived.

Begin to color your world, ever so slowly with the paints you from your artbox. Some days will still be gray, but others can be glowing with the colors of your choice.

Peace,

Sorceress.

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License

 

Advertisements

3 responses to “Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…(Finding Your Inner Strength)

  1. I am sorry to read about the extreme sufferings you have experienced at the hands of this man and his mother. These wounds will take much healing. Your writing is benefiting the world by increasing psychopathy awareness. Those who have not experienced predatory relationships have no idea how the lives of good people are destroyed by the whim of these ‘others.’ Only by telling our stories will awareness be raised.

    My blessings to you,

    Ixchel

  2. Pingback: Normally a pers… « My journey of healing from psychological abuse

  3. Pingback: social animals and cultural evolution of herds « the magic of language blog: partnering with reality – by JR Fibonacci

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s