Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…Abuse Of Power Results In Guilt For Whom?)

If you have never lived the experience you can clinically talk about it but you can never emotionally nor rationally discern the horrors that are inflicted upon the mind of the victim. Others can imagine what happened. Other people can listen to words that survivors let escape from their lips. Others can do all these things but they can never feel what the victims are experiencing.

I awaken again, from nightmares, retching, seemingly from memories buried, now returning. As vivid as the day is bright, the memories are nightmares to my soul now.

There will always be an emotional investment in that era. But not for a longing for Daniel or his imagined love or wondering about what type of relationship we actually endured between the two of us. There was no real love or real relationship. There was no real attachment. The emotional bond I talk of is my loss of time I could have spent doing real activities with real people instead of fighting to survive because of a psychopath and his mother.

I have to put myself back together and I have worked extremely hard to do so. I am successful in my goals. This I know. How am I aware of success? By the people I meet, by where I stand today and by the level of success in my life I have attained in just a few short years.

I started out clean in a relationship, but a psychopath does not. A psychopath never does, that is not their agenda. That is the unfortunate scenario that I speak about in all of my posts. It is a red flag, a warning to anyone that reads what I talk about. Psychopaths and sociopaths inhabit our world, dressed in very normal attire. They are not always the ax-wielding murderers that you see depicted in Hollywood genres. They buy clothing in the mall. They shop in Wal-mart. They stroll the aisles of flea markets. They run huge corporations. They can be married to beautiful women. They are fathers, uncles, brothers and sons. They are very real people, and they can be your next door neighbor that smiles at you every morning when you get your mail.

There is, however, an under-lying factor among these people who when discovered, sets them apart from the rest of the pack of human beings. They  search for their prey to destroy and go on to the next. This sounds complicated, and in a sense it can be and in another way, it isn’t. But when you are under the spell of a true psychopath and he has decided he needs/wants you for himself, if you are not aware of what the devastation will be for your future, your life will be forever changed.

Psychopaths run huge corporations, run for political office and enjoy power play with people in this sense also. The devastation wreaked on a corporation by its CEO when he lays off 6000 people at random without thinking of their families when he could have cut corners in his company in others ways without cutting jobs is one example. The politician that votes randomly cutting benefits for senior citizens and children is another way of evil devastation that psychopaths exhibit in their ruthless tendencies.

People that abuse power when put in high positions are examples. Law enforcement officials that abuse the power of their badges or what their constituents have elected them to do may have psychopathic tendencies.

There are schools of thought that believe psychopaths choose their victims by the victims demeanor. That the psychopath reads their victims beforehand for instability and for weakness so that when they are ready to strike they will overcome their victim easily. This way of thinking is an easy way to process a much more difficult brain disorder. People want to make things go away. They want to see justice done. They want a cut and dry answer to problems they don’t understand.

The true psychopath isn’t easy to understand. So when he overtakes another human being, the general populace, in their ignorance of the entire situation, looks at the situation and assumes the victim is probably guilty of something to allow the psychopath to enter her life and do the things he did to her. Believe me, when I say this, no woman willingly allows a man to do these things to her of her own free will with pleasure. There are under-lying reasons to the scenario that no one else can interpret but only guess at in a particular relationship.

A psychopath is known to manipulate and lie. He will not only lie to his partner, but he will continue to lie to others surrounding the family unit, including neighbors and social friends. These other people have no idea that these lies are just that, pure and simple evil manipulations that the woman has no idea are being perpetrated by the psychopath behind her back. An entire web of deceit is being created that she is very unaware of while she is attempting to survive and perhaps, if she is able, to leave. These neighbors and friends, however, now have different images and thoughts of her brought on by the psychopathic man, and she is looked upon quite differently. Remember, he is charming and can be the darling of the neighborhood. Others don’t want to get involved when the woman goes to a neighbor for help suddenly when he (the psychopath) has built a non-existent(fake) good-guy relationship with his male neighbors. After all, you really have no idea what stories he has created about his home life with you. Only you know the truth, and he has kept you alone away from your family, your friends and others. There is a reason for your isolation. Now who do you turn to? Who can you make believe you with true stories of what has gone on behind your closed doors?

There lies your conundrum. You know the truth. Only you know the lies, the horrors, the deceit and the abuses perpetrated upon you. You may have come to these realizations slowly. Or they may have hit you quickly. Either way, when you discovered the truths, the shock of whom you have lived with is not easy for your mind to assimilate. The person that you thought was your lover, or your spouse, or your friend is now your enemy. Beyond being your enemy, you realize that this person has severe personality problems that makes him dangerous.

You begin to reflect on former incidents in your home that have happened and perhaps attributed to other reasons or he reasoned away. Perhaps he blamed you for many things, accusing you for things going wrong in the home, frustrating you when you knew for a fact that you had no reason to be implicated in what he was talking about. Now you begin to see the money problems that he blamed you for that were never your fault, or animals that either died or disappeared. Late nights at work he claimed he must have or be fired. Unexplained absences of time he has had. The roller-coaster of emotions he has that always end up back in the honeymoon phase when he begins to woo you again if he believes he might be losing you.  Because he can’t lose you. He’s obsessed with you.

Psychopaths believe what they tell others to be the truth. Their minds are twisted. From the time they have been little, their take on life is very different from a normal person. They see life through a very different perspective. They validate their behaviors very simply. They don’t have emotions, or remorse or guilt. There is no need to feel badly about anything they do when they don’t respond to normal human emotions or feelings.

Daniel was a volunteer firefighter for two fire companies in the local area. He had the position of first man in, or first-responder. Hearing him talk about fires he had been involved in, I was originally astounded at the gravity of the situations he would be involved in and how he would put his life in jeopardy without a thought. I would ask him if there was any type of counseling at the stations after some of the horrific fires. He said his ex-wife wouldn’t want to hear anything about what he went through when he came home after the ordeals, and he never had the time to go to the counseling that was offered. So apparently he kept all these thoughts inside. Those thoughts mixed with his own evil psychopathic borderline tendencies. What a mixture.

Daniel had a friend who was on the volunteer force with him that was also an EMT locally. This young man would visit us often, and the two of them would sit and talk about the various fires, tragedies, etc. that had happened recently. A young 30ish woman had died in a motor-vehicle crash a few towns over and they were discussing it. It was a pretty bad crash site and 4 or 5 stations had responded. They were talking about this one man in particular and how he had reached into the car, looked at the dead woman, and fondled her. I was horrified at this story. I looked at both and asked them if others had seen this also. They said yes. I asked why didn’t anyone report this man. The answer? “It’s a brotherhood. We can’t.” I just shook my head in disgust, told them they weren’t true warriors at all, and nothing but followers. What they witnessed was a man using his police powers in his sick, distorted mind to get some sexual satisfaction and the man should have been reported. I told them they were no better than this man and that I had now lost all respect for both of them and what they supposedly stood for in their uniforms. Both of them just looked at me and said nothing.

This is the abuse of power that a psychopath can use at will with his own discretion.  This is the abuse of power with manipulation that a psychopath can use glibly among his own peers and get away with it. It is horrific and against any moral rights. But it happens. It is wrong. It should be reported, but people are afraid to report it for fear of their own jobs and fear of themselves.

Returning to the thought that psychopaths choose their victims and that someone must be guilty for to account for what has happened, it is a very wide web that these mentally ill people create. The web that is created has many holes to fall through. I believe many of them easily fall through because of their personality traits. They can easily manipulate the system because of their charm, their personality, their intelligence and their education, be it street education or education through books. Our society wants answers, but it doesn’t wait for the answers to be sufficient. The answers are wanted quickly, without regards to whom is really guilty. Fingers are pointed without knowing the full truths.

There is an old saying, “Ignorance is bliss”. For those that have never crossed paths with a psychopath, yes, ignorance is bliss. For those that have crossed paths with one, ignorance can mean death.



All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License



7 responses to “Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…Abuse Of Power Results In Guilt For Whom?)

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  6. Recovering from just this! No remorse, guilt and an unreasonable sense of what is acceptable of the psychopath…They sometimes (often) stay within the law and hold senior if not – the ultimate controlling position of CEO! Who on earth would believe the intelligent, sensitive and normal woman behind the facade of lies.

    • Who indeed…when the seemingly intelligent, sensitive and normal other person is a psychopath wolf disguised in sheep’s clothing? The victim is generally assumed to be an emotional mess with no validity while the perpetrator is able to control their emotion because they have none at all. It becomes a contest of wills, strength and Survival.

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