Welcome to WordPress.com. Welcome to “Survival Of A Psychopath(With Borderline Tendencies…). Welcome to my world.
I’ve blogged since I was fourteen years old. It wasn’t called blogging back then. I had stacks of journals. So many I had stacks in my libraries of books. I had them categorized by years. By genre.
I wasn’t a typical child. I was pretty geeky. My Gramma would take me aside and just communicate with me in her own special way and tell me that I was “different”.
Why did my Gramma tell me I was different? I’m not sure but I can share one story of my childhood that reminds me of her nurturing and value of education. It was the summer when I was 9 years old and she told me that she had purchased a set of encyclopedias to read. She also told me that her eyes were bothering her and she couldn’t read very well. She asked me if I would spend my summer days reading these books to her since I was home anyway. That summer when I was 9 I spent reading the entire encylopedia from A to Z to my Gramma.
In retrospect now, I realize she could see the books to read. She didn’t buy them for herself. She knew I had an insatiable curiosity for everything and anything. She figured if I read the enclopedia to her that might interest me for an entire summer at the age of 9. It did. She taught me that it was ok to be me. She always made me feel special. She is my heroine. Gramma Sophie died when I was nineteen years old. I loved her with all my heart. She taught me her world and I applied it to mine. My strength within comes from her.
I want my words to educate. But more importantly, they are meant to encourage, to inspire and to make the reader feel ok within themselves. I truly hope they do. I have lived and survived. There is a line from an Enrique Iglesias song that I love and always quote: “It was good, it was bad, but it was real.” How true.
Those journals are now gone. Thrown in the landfill by some very ugly people with ill intent. People that had no emotions, no feelings, no concern for the person that wrote them. I can never get them back. All the years that I spent writing them I still have as memories. But to treasure those books and look through them is a gift I will never have again. Daniel Floyd Smith , his mother Sandra Shook Smith and Michael Young made sure of that.
My story might be entertaining to some. It might seem fictional to others. It is entirely true. You can read this blog and talk about it and walk it away. I do not have that luxury. I continue to have nightmares. I suffer from PTSD, (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). PTSD in a chronic condition from the abuse I suffered at the hands of these people over the prolonged time I was imprisoned without any chance of escape.
Although I say I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, that has also made me stronger. It has given me strength when I weakened, hope when I despaired, and made me stand when I fell.
There are some that do not believe the human mind is so delicate as to be pierced through with arrows of frailty that is later called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But valetudinarianism is a state of mind that only the id can identify.
If you have hit the bottom, from the bottom you can only rise up. Your choice is up to you. You can stay at the depths of your own despair or you can begin to lay the groundwork for creating and forging new pathways and journeys to begin another life. Survival is only claimed by those who continue to keep their eyes open, remember what has happened to them and apply those memories to their future.
I write this story to educate about psychopathy, psychopaths, narcissism, Cluster-B Disorder, histrionic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, borderline tendencies… about basic evil people. Why? Because they are out there.
To naïve people, they do not believe there are such people. They see them on tv. They read about them in books, in the newspaper. But they don’t believe they are real. They are very real. I know. I lived with them. This story touches on my life with a dysfunctional mother and son team and how I managed to get out from under them.
All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License