Will A Narcissist Miss You When You Leave Them? Should You Care?

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The Charm Of A Psychopath

Charming is charming. A true psychopath, one that has been diagnosed, will be able to disarm a person’s will and have them become enamored of their words and actions. They can do no wrong and others will actually make excuses for their errant deeds.

After living with one for 8 years, I saw it happen over and over again. Unless the other person is truly schooled in what a psychopath is, such as a psychiatrist, a psychologist or a judge who has had dealings with them and has educated themselves about their ways, a psychopath will attempt to pull the wool over their eyes.

They can do so quite easily. They hone in on the other persons wants, needs and words and parrot them back so they are in sync with them immediately. This causes a symbiosis with the other person that “feels good” at the time, kind of a deja vu, but the other person doesn’t realize that the psychopath is simply parroting back. They think that they’ve found a person who is very much like them, who lives in their world, who follows their social mores, laughs at their jokes and believes whatever it is they are talking about.

So a complacency with yourself but also with the other person begins. You find this other person quite charming, because, after all, they are just like you and they find you absolutely perfect.

They’re highly considerate of what you are saying, which is why they are listening attentively, because they must parrot it back. They appear confident, humorous, kind, a people-person, not wanting to seek attention to themselves and positive. All good qualities. All fake qualities that they have honed through the years. But underneath it all, lies a dark person that is scheming to figure out what they can get out of you and how you can fill a void in their sick, twisted mind.

They will go on like this for a short few weeks if it is to be a romantic relationship. You’ll wonder how could it be so wonderful so quickly. It isn’t. The psychopath is doing their job, that’s all. Or if they need to convince someone they’ve simply done their homework and will twist a conversation but the other person will never realize what has happened.

The psychopath is slick. They plan. Remember, they’ve been doing their work for years on others. You aren’t the first to come along and you won’t be the last. Everyone is a mark to them. Until they no longer need that mark. And that’s when the true danger begins.

Peace.

Sorceress.

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License.

 

Homelessness In America

HomelessnessInAmerica1A friend of mine from New York City sent me this photo. What was startling to both of us was the bale of hay in the man’s cart. Actually, the mixture of goods in this homeless man’s cart is mind-boggling. A few hours later, the cart had moved.

HomelessnessinAmerica2 Don’t know why some of its contents were on the ground, but people just carry on about their business. Another normal day.  The cart belongs to a man that my friend has seen locally for years. Last night he saw him sleeping on a mattress next to his cart. My friend bought him a sandwich at the deli and went in. This is life in America.

HomelessnessInAmerica3

People experiencing homelessness in America affects many persons. But you knew that, didn’t you? You either turn a blind eye to it or you may donate a few dollars here or there, drop a few coins into someone’s cup, turn your car window up when you see a pan-handler at a corner asking for money or wonder just if that person really is homeless. Or how did that person become homeless. You may think that homeless people are only the ones that sleep on park benches with cartons as blankets. Not having a roof over your head affects more people than you think in more ways than you can ever imagine in America.

I’ve known people that have slept in their cars (they were the lucky ones) because they didn’t have homes. People with college educations and excellent jobs or excellent job skills. Women who left abusive relationships because their lives depended on that decision. They had nowhere else to go and local shelters were full.

People who are on assistance who have slum landlords and are forced to leave their apartments because the city has condemned their apartments(the landlord’s fault) but there is nowhere to place them immediately.  Again, shelters are full.

Veterans who are on disability and cannot find a place anymore in our society and have fallen through the cracks. They’ve been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but don’t have the resources to get the help they so desperately need.

I’m not going to talk about substance abuse and going down the rabbit hole as a reason for homelessness. That’s an easy mark for people to say that’s the person’s own fault. Well, no, it’s not. Something caused that substance abuse and that’s all I’ll say. Dark holes inside are created by a much larger abyss outside.

So there’s a problem in America that needs to be addressed. It needs to be respected. How can you help?

-Don’t look away.

-Teach your children to help.

-Don’t stereo-type.

-Smile.

-Donate your clean, good used goods.

-If you are an employer, find a way to offer jobs through programs.

-Buy local food coupons that can be redeemed and give them out instead of money.

-When you see a panhandler do this: http://www.nationalhomeless.org/want_to_help/panhandle.html

-C.A.R.E.=C – Contribute (food drives, money, etc.,)
A – Advocate
R – Reach Out (volunteering)
E – Educate (http://www.nationalhomeless.org/want_to_help/index.html)

The National Coalition For The Homeless has a factsheet with information on ways you can get help and give help here: http://www.nationalhomeless.org/factsheets/#want

Peace.

Sorceress.

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License.

 

 

 

Narcissistic Parents

Narcissistic parents are a trip. Once you realize you are the child of a narcissist, your world is turned inside out, upside down and blazingly real. Everything comes into focus and you suddenly see your life differently. You’re not the one at fault, you never were. And that’s the biggest coup of reading and learning about narcissistic parents.

Growing up under the thumb of this type of mother, I never understood why she behaved the way she did, why she treated me the way she did until many years later. I suffered for many years under her wondering what I could do to win her approval. I never could. At least not in private. In public, she always behaved differently.

Vampire is an excellent blog for those of you who fall under this category. Take a look here and check this blogger out: http://thewebofnarcissism.blogspot.com/. It’s more than worth your while. For an extensive list of blogs that discuss not only narcissism, but other mental health topics go here: http://narcwriters.blogspot.nl/. Warning: Be prepared to bookmark because this list is amazingly long and awesome.

Peace.

Sorceress

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License.

Ivanka Trump-Feminist or Daddy’s Little Girl?

So what is a feminist? And why do people shy away from admitting they are proponents of women? Even women are hesitant to say they are feminists. That’s a mind-boggling thought to me. I’m proud to admit that I will stand up for women and their rights in our society and other cultures around the world. Not only in one set of economic standards, but for women with varying financial backgrounds.

But you have to start at home. Young women may have children or not have children, the choice is theirs. Birth-control is a necessary health care benefit that helps them to get ahead in the business world. If they do already have children, they need day care for their children. A mother’s job is not easy.

Ivanka Trump is attempting to put together a fund to support female entrepreneurs around the world. She has said, “The statistics and results prove that when you invest in women and girls, it benefits both developed and developing economies.” Sounds like a wonderful and encouraging statement, but it’s not. It’s a smokescreen statement that means nothing when in reality, the person saying it will not come out with distinct statements supporting women’s rights.

Ivanka Trump met with Cecile Richards, the president of Planned Parenthood in April to discuss what Planned Parenthood is about. Apparently, she was unaware of the behind the scenes logistics of this organization and needed to be filled in on exactly how Planned Parenthood operates. She still remains silent on the topic  although she has told news media she has told her father privately how she feels. That means nothing. Absolutely nothing. Those are words, Ivanka Trump. Words that  you are not backing up with reality.

She also had a plan that was backed by Democrats for  affordable, accessible childcare with tax credits (although the tax credits were not as beneficial for lower tax brackets). We are still waiting.

So the point of all this is what does Ivanka Trump do in the White House? She talks beautifully. As she should, she is well-educated. She calms Daddy down. She’s Daddy’s little girl. She’s being sent as an envoy without the explicit knowledge needed for this job around the world. She admitted that she didn’t have the knowledge she needed at the Women’s Summit in Berlin when she said she hoped to garner as much knowledge as possible from being invited as a participant.

So instead of starting with the people that voted her father in, middle America and blue-collar workers, those who put their hopes and dreams in someone who told them that they would bring America back, she is aiming her goals at entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurs deserve help, too, yes. But how many entrepreneurs voted for Trump? Who needs help more? People with college educations with start-up businesses they have created or people in the rust-belt who are on unemployment and believed that the coal factories and/or their jobs were being brought back? Citizens of our country who need to simply put food on the table, pay their rent/mortgage, find affordable daycare and have affordable healthcare that answers their needs and maybe go out once a month if it’s in their budget?

Ivanka Trump needs to look not at the wealthier, although these are who are in her immediate circle, so that’s who she is accustomed to seeing. She needs to address the entire country she lives in and actually work with them. Not give them lip service. She has a chance to actually do some good for the people, but she isn’t. She is following as Daddy’s Little Girl.

No one can diagnose her as a narcissist by seeing her actions only. But Ivanka Trump shows no empathy for those truly in need of help. There are women in America in dire straights who need Planned Parenthood. After meeting with the President of Planned Parenthood in April, Ms. Trump still wants to develop and raise money for women who are entrepreneurs? She isn’t talking about Planned Parenthood and the women who depend on the services they provide. Why?  We’ve all seen her angry when an interview didn’t go her way (Cosmopolitan). This is what happens when you are the daughter of POTUS. You are asked questions. You need to answer them with grace and style. But if parts of Daddy are in you, well, maybe you can’t.  I don’t believe she can recognize what little America wants or needs. If she could, she would have done something for the hurting people of America by now. She wouldn’t be selling clothes that she makes in another country and ships here for prices that many Americans cannot afford. She would be attempting to help the women of America in some way that hits home. But she is not.

I’m still waiting, Ivanka Trump. You have an opportunity as the daughter of POTUS. You took this “job” in the White House. Make it worthwhile instead of being fodder for the press. Make your 4 years legendary as a woman who made strides for women, who someday women will actually look up to, not down on. You are an intelligent woman who has the financial means, the backing and now the power to actually create projects that will benefit more people that need them right now and will benefit from them for generations to come. Make all women proud of you, not just a select few in your immediate financial circle. Start at home and look at your father’s constituents. Ask them what they need. That might help you devise programs for your own country that benefit the right people. If this is something you are emotionally capable of doing.

Don’t be afraid to come out and actually do the work behind your words, Ivanka Trump. That’s what a true feminist does. Because as of right now? You’re still Daddy’s Little Girl.

Peace.

Sorceress

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License.

Ivanka Trump, Daddy’s Little Girl

Ivanka Trump, Daddy’s Little Girl. Perpetuating the idea that men will always save you and , always be there for you and most importantly, always take you on your meteorical rise to the top. Because you can’t do it alone. You do what they say, you live your life as they do, you protect them as they protected you. And you believe in your heart, that it’s the right thing to do. No matter who you hurt.

The funny thing is, you’re hurting women, you’re hurting workers around the world, you’re hurting you’re own children and you’re hurting your own Mother. Ivanka, you pay workers in factories $62 for 60 hours of work a week to manufacture your goods.  How much money do you make from these products? You are stepping on people just as certainly as your father has stepped on you and fooled you into believing that you are living a life of freedom. Your thoughts are not your own if you truly believe your own answers when asked about your father’s groping of women.

It is the perpetuation of excusing men for this type of behavior that not only continues the behavior in a society, but demeans women. Often men don’t speak up for fear of embarrassment or bullying. When people excuse this type of behavior with words like “men will be men”; “boys will be boys,always”; always a player” and similar other words, remember that these are excuses for someone with low moral standards and a sickness.

Just as these perpetrators display Red Flags, so do the people that excuse them. They, too, display Red Flags. They are showing others that it’s ok to behave in this manner. It’s simply not ok. How can anyone in good conscience tell a little girl that’s been molested that “It’s ok that a man touched you. After all, men will be men!” Of course that’s not ok. It makes people sick to hear that.

So, what is the difference where a man looks at a woman who happens to have a beautiful body in their eyes, and lusts after her with lewd comments that are unwarranted? Even more so, gropes her or kisses her without her consent? The word for what he is doing is molestation. No matter the age of the woman, she is still being molested. This is an act against her will. Yet people will say comments like, “Boys will be boys” and “Look at her, can you blame him?” Yes, I can blame him. He had absolutely no right touching her and making comments to her. I don’t care what his particular thoughts are, he needs to keep them to himself. No means No.

Some women are strong and will fight back, while others won’t or cannot summon the will to fight back. Some are afraid they’ll lose their jobs. They need that income to support their families and the men that exhibit this type of behavior know the implications of the women on the receiving end. They take advantage of them. Not only is it a game for their sick minds, it’s a well-thought out manipulation designed as a power play. The law is on the side of the victim and always has been since 1964.

I am not saying it isn’t difficult to fight back, but fighting back is mandatory if we are to take predators down. We must show them that they are not wanted in our world, in our society. The damage that they do to the minds of people is long-lasting and irreparable to some people. Not only does it take away their freedom, but it takes away their egos, it removes their feelings of self, it takes down their trust factors of other people and can create feelings of hopelessness. Yet, for some reason, this type of behavior is allowed.

Unless, it happens to Your Daughter. Then something changes. Imagine if Trump grabbed your daughter’s vagina and stuck his tongue down her throat against her will, how would you feel? Still feel “a guy’s a guy”? Still thinking it’s ok? I wonder how Ivanka would feel when her daughter is older if a man grabbed her, pushed her against a wall, and did these things to her. How would she and her husband react? If the man were a high-powered official, would she still say that the man can do a good job and we should look at his record instead and ignore what the press says about him? Would she throw her daughter under the bus that way?

Tsk, tsk, Ivanka Trump for being Daddy’s little girl, throwing women under the bus and turning the other cheek when it’s time to stand up for women. For pretending to be for women, when reality tells us you’re really against them. When reality tells us you really don’t care what happens to women in America or any part of the world, for that matter. You’ve been taught well. A Machiavellian showpiece that mesmerizes all but says nothing of value that would help.

Is Ivanka Trump so focused on her father that she sees him only as Daddy’s little girl and not truly as the man he is? Go to YouTube and visit this url https://youtu.be/L4JgpYz-dqo, then visit any discussion about her recent visit to Germany or learn more about her. Learn why she was booed at the women’s summit in Germany.

Ivanka Trump needs a reality check when she tells the media that she wants to help women. She talks a good game, but she has yet to produce results. Then again, she has learned from her Daddy’s knee. She is Daddy’s Little Girl. He displays narcissistic traits at the least, what else has she garnered from him?

Peace.

Sorceress

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License.

 

 

Sexual Harassment-Take Down Predators

So in talking about sexual harassment in the workplace, I wanted to talk about the mind sets of women. Women that should know better. Women that accept men talking down to them which in turn, lays a foundation for the acceptance of sexual harassment.

Recently, I had lunch with a woman who was retired from a job as a life-long secretary in New York City. She was an efficient worker, and had worked for professionals in a field for many years. She was good at her job and enjoyed it. She was very pleasant and a knowledgable woman. Except for the idea that women “had their place”.

She told me this story of acquiring her last position. Her new boss was deemed difficult and had acquired many secretaries before her. She was determined to stay with this man, because the money was good and she said, she didn’t think he was all that bad. So I questioned her, “What was considered so bad about him that so many others left after a few weeks? After all, if he couldn’t keep other secretaries, there had to be something about him that was wrong/harassing/too demanding in the workplace…?”

She went on to tell me that he was a boisterous man, and could be rather loud at times, but that didn’t bother her. And then the bomb hit. She said, “Well, you know, he would always call me honey, or dear, or sweetheart. But I didn’t mind. I considered it a name of affection. After all, he was my Boss.” And there you have it. He. Was. My. Boss.

So I asked her, “What if you called him, honey, or dear, or sweetheart?” Her eyes opened up to the size of saucers. She gasped, literally. “Oh my god, no!” she said. “I never could. He was my boss! That was not my place!” I just looked at her with amusement. “But it was his place to call you those terms of endearment? You have a real name.” She was looking at me as if I was the one making a mountain out of a molehill. “What’s the big deal?” she asked. “He didn’t mean anything. That’s what he called the women in the office. They were only secretaries. He was the boss.”  There it was again. He. Was. The. Boss. Giving him the right to demoralize anyone beneath him simply because of his title.

“But did he call the men in the office by anything but their real names?” I asked. “Oh no, always their real names.” she replied succintly. End of that question. As if I was ignorant for even asking the question in the first place.

No matter what I said, how I said it or why I tried to explain that it was wrong for this boss to call her and other women “dear, honey or sweetheart” instead of their real names, she just didn’t get it. Nothing I said could penetrate her armor.

When I look at women that support Trump, even though he has treated women demeaningly,  has been caught on tape talking about women in lewd and lascivious ways including women that have spoken out about his fondling and kissing them against their wills, I cannot understand their admiration of this man and his lack of morals. A predator is a predator. They do not change their coats. They cannot change.

I find this type of acceptance of men that push women down and negate them fully unacceptable. It only encourages them further. Years ago, I felt that surely by this time, our world would have changed. It has not. And apparently, with women still supporting these types of predators, it is not going to change in the near future. This is a deplorable situation for the young women of tomorrow.

I will say this again. You are your own person. You do not have to submit to a predator’s will. You do not have to be their fantasy. If you do, you are allowing them to continue their fantasy at your own expense. And with that comes the degradation of your own character. Stand up for yourself. Be strong and fight back. Take down predators one by one. We should not allow them in our world. If not for yourself, for your daughters, for your granddaughters. No means No.

Peace.

Sorceress

All works past, present and future are protected under a CCC. Creative Common License, Kaarie Blake Musings by Kaarie Blake is licensed under a Creative Common Attribution-Noncommercial-Noderivs-3.0-Unported License.